“I’m Proud to Be Trans—but For Now Want to Feel Invisible MY CHOICE”

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12/5/2021

After years of distance between myself and my hometown of Amityville, Long Island, I returned in the spring for my cousin’s birthday. But this time, I had a new look. I was a month post-op top surgery, a gender-affirming procedure for transgender men and non-binary individuals, which results in a flat chest. My beard had finally begun to grow bushier on my face, and my shoulders were much broader than before. In 2018, I started taking testosterone to aid my gender transition. Then, 23 years old, hormones slowly helped the world see the Black man I saw in myself.  As I entered the party, high school classmates and family members dapped me up and embraced me as “boss,” “brother,” and “young man.” When things needed to be moved, a family member casually grouped me in with other guys, saying, “You have all these young men here who can help.” Then, when I joined a game of Uno, an ex-fling from high school said, “What’s up, player?” Later that weekend, another family member said, “Nice meeting you.” It was no surprise that some of my family members and high school classmates did not recognize that I transitioned to male. It was all part of my plan. I left my hometown in 2017 for New York City and decided not to return when I started my transition. My cousin vowed not to disclose my trans identity during the trip so that I could remain “stealth,” a term used in the trans community for keeping your transness private rather than sharing it with others.

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